It's time...

At around 7 months pregnant
Photo Credit: Stephanie Chung Photography

I absolutely loved being pregnant.  Everyone was so nice to me and I was able to eat whatever I wanted without having to worry about my gut.  But by my 3^rd trimester and 40^th pound, I was ready to get the baby out of me.  I wanted to see his face and hold him tight.  We had already installed the carseat a full month before my due date and longed to have him sitting back there every time we drove the car (I laugh at my pregnant self now by the way=).

To speed up the process, I googled “how to induce labor” and asked my friends for any advice/tips.  On the night of October 14^th, I had Joe watch a YouTube video on how to induce labor through a foot massage, which was a perfectly good excuse to get a little TLC from the hubs =) 

A few hours later, I felt my first real contraction! It was sort of an exciting moment.  I was like…ohhh that kind of hurt… and wondered if another one would come.  By  6am on October 15, 2013, I was hunched over in our bathroom sink, unable to breathe through the contractions. But during the 3-5 minute breaks in between, you better believe I was airbrushing my foundation, applying eyeliner, mascara, and filling in my eyebrows!  

By 830am, I was in my own L&D room with awesome nurses and all you can eat cherry Popsicles.  At this point, I still hadn’t gotten an epidural.  The doctor said I could walk around to help things move along but I just sort of laid there to try to breathe through the pain.  I now realize that I really should have taken his advice because 12 hours passed and I had only progressed to 3cm despite the constant Pitocin drip. 

Somewhere along the way, I did finally get that epidural but stupidly passed on getting it until AFTER the doctor broke my water.  Having someone down there maneuvering their hands and a plastic hook to break your water is not something I ever wish to experience again.  It was surprising to me how much that part of it hurt and how much less of a big deal getting an epidural was.  I had always hated needles and dreaded the epidural processes the most during my pregnancy and it was a pleasant surprise to have that part be underwhelming. 

By 7pm and still no progress, I knew what the doctor was going to suggest…a c-section.  It was the one thing I wished to avoid but it didn’t seem like there was much else I could do.  

Our first family photo

The surgery itself was sort of a surreal experience.  I’ve never gone under the knife before.  In fact, I don’t remember ever being in the hospital for anything.  It wasn’t like grey’s anatomy where there’s ambient lighting and music playing in the background.  The room was bright, stark white, and very cold.  I was surrounded by several people wearing face masks who kept assuring me that shivering uncontrollably was perfectly normal.  To add to the surrealness of it all, I was awake and felt pulling and tugging in my belly as they tried to get Noah out.  I even felt a little relief on my left rib, which Noah constantly kicked, as they pulled him out of my belly.  None of it hurt at all…but it was odd to actually feel something.

At only 8 minutes after starting the procedure, I heard the sound that I had been waiting for the past 9 months…my son, screaming to announce that he’d arrived!  As much as I tried to hold back tears, it came pouring out at the realization that I have an actual living baby!  He was beautiful, pale, cone head, and a splitting image of his dad.  He was not a happy camper.  After all, who wants to leave a nice warm womb into a cold operating room?

First time holding Noah

After forty more minutes of being sewn back together, I was wheeled to the recovery room and was finally able to hold Noah in my arms.  I studied every detail of his face…his flattened nose that looks exactly like mine, my mom’s, and my grandma’s, his crazy brown hair, his rosy lips, and his cute curled earlobes.  I thought to myself,  “How could this beautiful little babe possibly be mine?”

                                                 

The only position he could fall
asleep at the hospital

I didn’t know what to do with him at first and asked the nurse for permission if I could start to breastfeed.  They looked at me puzzled like…yes, that’s your own baby and yes, please go ahead and try to feed him.  I asked them for permission if I could do skin to skin and again they looked at me kind of funny.  This continued on for the remainder of our stay at the hospital and it wasn’t until we finally went home when it clicked that I’m a parent now and there’s no one to look to for permission on how to raise my baby. 

When they asked if we wanted to stay another day in the hospital, Joe and I quickly agreed that yes, please, we’d like to stay! We’d like to not have to think about food and just have you deliver to us during meal times.  We’d like to have you take Noah into the nursery a couple of hours a day so we can get some extra sleep.  We’d like to have you help me into the bathroom so I can clean up and do my thing.  Nurses of the world, I have SO MUCH MORE RESPECT for you after this whole ordeal!

To this day, I can never put into words what it’s like to be pregnant for nine months then be a parent in an instant.  Nothing prepares you for parenthood despite all the resources out there.  Nothing prepares you for the roller coaster ride of a contraction building up and letting down and looking at your watch and thinking…”shit, my 3 minutes is up..here’s comes another!”.  Nothing prepares you for that moment when you finally meet your baby…and despite the fact that you were present during the delivery, you wonder, “Is that child really mine?”

...and surprisingly...nothing prepares you for this very moment when you’re typing up your labor story 4 months later…and all of the sudden you think, “Wow, I really WOULD do that all over again.”   

Random Note for Noah 1

Dear Noah,

While you were enjoying a relaxing bath last night, you got scared and freaked out when I turned on the tub faucet. It was the  first time I've seen you get scared over something.  It was also the cutest thing ever : )....until the next cute thing happens.

Love,
Mom

Here comes the baby....posts

I've been meaning to start blogging again about having a baby so that I could look back later on and remember what happened, how I felt, and the baby's small milestones.  But now three months later I'm just getting started!  Oh where to begin...

I guess we'll start the moment I met Mr. Noah Han Shin...the little alien that grew inside my belly for 9 months...the little version of my Joe...the tiny love of my life.  From that moment on, as cliche as this sounds, nothing was ever the same.  How did I know this?  First, I cried...and when does that ever happen?  Second, I realized that I was actually gave birth to a baby....and how long had I been saying that I would never give birth? Third, our family went from two to three.  It's been just Joe and I for eight years.  We've grown accustomed to our ways...dining out, sleeping in, frying up bacon at one in the morning. Goodbye old life.  Hello parenthood!

Despite the overwhelming joy I felt the instant I laid eyes on him, the next 7 weeks was an uphill battle from breastfeeding issues, the baby blues, and sleep deprivation.  And despite all the advice, baby books, and classes, there was nothing that could have prepared me for being a mom.

The biggest challenge from that first month was breastfeeding.  Having read what an ideal breastfeeding scenarios were online, I figured that it was such a natural thing that it would just happen.  But nothing happened as planned and I soon realized how unprepared I was to breastfeed.  I ended up having a c-section (homie's head was too big =), which delayed my milk from "coming in".  Even though Noah latched on fairly easily, he wasn't getting any milk and lost 10% of his weight while we were still at the hospital.  He was given formula at the hospital while I desperately tried to keep him latched.  At one point, he sucked so hard from hunger that flesh from inside my left nipped came out (sorry if that was tmi!).  Luckily, I was still on pain meds from my c-section so I didn't feel anything but I imagine it would have been really painful. 

A week passed and he was still formula fed.  At this point, he refused to latch even after my milk finally did come in.  Every time he was fed with a bottle, I felt like a failure from not being able to breastfeed my own child.  Although friends reassured me that there's absolutely nothing wrong with formula fed babies, I still felt down about it and cried often.  After a very hard day of trying to breastfeed and finally throwing in the towel with a bottle of formula, I found myself breaking down and crying uncontrollably.  How could being a mother be so damn depressing?  But a magical thing happened.  I looked down at Noah and saw a huge smile...the first smile I saw from him.  It was as if he was telling me that everything is going to be A-ok.

Thankfully, I had a strong support system from my husband, friends, and especially my mom who cheered me on and encouraged me to not give up. My mom would squirt milk with a syringe into Noah's mouth as I tried to get him to latch on again to trick him into thinking that he was getting alot of milk from me.  After a few days of this, Noah finally started latching without being tricked and we were able to reduce his formula intake to just 2 ounces per day.  Hooray!

But my celebration was short lived.  Once he re-learned how to nurse and once I stopped needing pain medication, all the pains and soreness from breastfeeding kicked in.  Noah's dependency to my nipple to soothe him from everything also started.  He couldn't sleep without nursing and used my nipple as a pacifier...and I found myself wishing that I just kept formula feeding.  I also asked myself why I wanted to breastfeed so badly.  It hurt so much and I hadn't yet felt that connection that I had read about from breastfeeding moms.  The baby blues intensified especially during growth spurts when Noah wanted to eat every hour.  I often questioned my abilities about being a good mom and at times even found myself resenting my own baby.  How horrible is that?  

After lots of "googling", posting on online forums, countless pep talks with family and friends, and meeting with a lactation consultant, Noah and I finally got into a nice of groove of things.  My nipples started to toughen up and I no longer dreaded the next feeding time.  By week 6, I felt that magical connection that others had described about nursing your baby.  I couldn't get enough of cuddling and playing with my little bub and felt so much joy from knowing that I caused that milk wasted look of satisfaction from his face. 

Moral of this post - It truly does take a village to raise a child.  I couldn't have gotten through this breastfeeding hurdle without our village of love from friends and family...and because I had such a great support system, I promised myself that I would try to do the same to anyone that needed help with it later on.  So feel free to ask if you have any questions!  I'm no expert but I do know that it helps to talk about these things with someone that can relate.   

Next up....Noah's milestones!  Or maybe a labor story? Who knows =)

Air Head Moments: Pump and Dump

I'm by no means a stupid person...but once in a while (though more often that I would like), I end up having these Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. Let's just point the blame to me being somewhat of a FOB ok?

So here go...

For a while now I always had the assumption that the term Pump and Dump meant that moms feel like they have to take a dump (poo) after pumping. Pump...and Dump! So I told one of my friends who then corrected me.

[Oh it doesn't mean that?]


Doh!

10 Things Asian Girls Like To Do On Facebook

Guilty as charged...I've done pretty much most of these.

1. Take webcam pictures with maybe a couple of other girlfriends. Make sure faces are
right up against the camera, head tilted down slightly so that eyes appear bigger than they are. Don’t forget to throw up the peace sign or make a kissy face

2. Post status updates on how awesome their boyfriend is for buying them a gift or sending them flowers.

3. Post pictures of her and her friends doing multiple poses at the same venue. Photoshoot!!

4. On the same token, an Asian girl will most likely have an album with pictures of just her in it titled “simply me” or “just me”

5. Post pictures of food. Pictures are either ones that she cooked, ate at a fancy restaurant, or food from a popular food truck. She looks like she eats ALL THE TIME…but she’s skinny as hell!

6. Profess her love for a celebrity on face book. “OMFG, Bradley Cooper can speak French!! Drooooool”

7. Makes sure that her facebook persona is perfect. Perfect boyfriend, perfect job, perfect clothes, awesome friends, and makes sure to untag any incriminating and non-cute pictures of herself

8. Jumps on the wagon with her boyfriend's sports team and post status updates of how awesome or bad they are doing during a game. “ WTF EAGLES!! SMH” . Next year with a new boyfriend "WTF REDSKINS!! SMH"

9. Has a drunken status update accidentally left on facebook for an hour on a Saturday night. If you check the next day, she’s realized it doesn’t go with her perfect facebook persona and immediately deletes it.

10. “Likes” pages such as Gilt, Allure, and any other fashion related page.

10b. Proclaim on facebook that she's fat and that she needs to go on a diet. Then post pics of food...then checks in at the local gym..then posts more pics of food.

10c. Never a debbie downer. Something fun is always going on. "I found my favorite candy!". "Next vacay booked! Woohoo!" "Having an awesome hair day. That is all".

10d. Almost every Asian girl has a hater and will passively call out her hater via status update. SOmething like "haters can hate. I'm fab and you know it". "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind".

Taking some advice from Sugar

Blogging is something that enjoy. It's fun for me to write about an experience...check my stats and comments to see if at the very least, I've provided someone something to do for 5 minutes on their otherwise monotonous day. Maybe I've made you laugh, maybe I've angered you, and maybe you're even judging me through my posts. No matter that your reaction may be, I held your attention even for just 5 minutes...and for someone who sits in front of the computer analyzing excel spreadsheets and grinding out slide decks, yet yearns to have more people interaction and be more creative, well, that's pretty freakin cool.

However....
1) My long work days and a long commute home leaves me little to no time to keep this thing up 2) I honestly don't do alot of interesting things to even blog about
3) As much as I wanted to originally have a bargain/fashion/relationship blog, I'm constantly questioning whether my posts are PC or even something of interest to others.

And hence, my less than one post a month isn't exactly going to take this blog to some top 10 blog list.

But is that really my ultimate goal? Perhaps the most interesting blogs that I subscribe to were started by people who simply wanted to get their ideas out there...no matter how random...how un-interesting...how completely un-PC. In the words of Sugar by the Rompus, Write like a MotherF*@&er and I intend to do just that.

One blog post a day either here or my wedding blog is my goal. I think I need to give myself the time to do at least one thing I enjoy everyday...

Couponing Adventure: Saving on Gas!

Who hasn't gotten reeled in by that Extreme Couponing show on TLC? I certainly have...and after seeing the first show, I urged Joe to subscribe us to the Sunday paper so we can take advantage of all the deals. I began cutting and organizing coupons for a good four weeks straight and then that's when I got tired of it and stopped. The wake-up call to get back into it was a trip to Tarjay that ran me up $170 coupon-less. What was I buying?! Why did it cost me so much?! And unloading the measly three plastic bags into the house made me feel really bad about wasting so much money.

So I got back in with a new strategy - take it slow and focus on one store first. Naturally, I chose CVS because well, that's where Joe works and if I ever made a mistake in using a coupon, we still had his employee discount to fall back on. I began looking out for deals for things that I always use like this:

which I use at least once a week (totally NOT working though!).

Most recently, CVS began a partnership with BP and Shell that if you spend up to $30 on certain products (the list of products rotates weekly), you get a $10 Shell or BP card. Since I buy my stuff from CVS anyway, I figured I might as well take advantage - which I did last night. My "savings", though not quite Extreme Couponing-esque, I thought was still pretty good. Using only a few coupons (I think I only had 4) and store sales, the retail price for my purchases was about $90 and I paid only $50 plus got a $10 gas card, an extra $2 of CVS Extra Bucks that I can use towards future purchases, and received another coupon that was good for $10 off $50 purchase next time. So in all, I really spent only $38 for a $90 worth of stuff that we use anyway (toilet paper, toothpaste, kleenex, laundry detergent, etc.).

Already feeling pretty good about myself, I went home and started to reorganize my coupon book. As I started looking through some of the current grocery store circular, I stumbled upon a Giant gas promotion that they're doing with Shell stations. Basically, they give you 1 point her $1 spent at Giant and each 100 pts can be redeemed for $0.10 cents off / gallon at the pump. They also run deals where if you buy 7, 6, or 3 items from a list (this week the list is pretty good - strawberries, clementines, mushrooms, salad kits, paper towels, etc.), you get 200 pts which means $0.2 off / gallon of gas. The limit is pretty high (like 2200 pts redeemed at once) so you could in theory get up to $2.20 off/gallon. So starting today, I'm going to plan carefully to combine the CVS gas card promo and the Giant gas card promo. The goal for this week - earn 600 pts at giant by buying from their 200 pts list and use that to get $0.6 off / gallon. If I fill up at my local shell at $3.89/gallon, I would pay $62.24 retail. With my accumulated deals ($10 CVS Shell card and $0.6 off/ gallon from Giant), I would pay only $42.64 for a full 16 gallon tank.

Not bad at all....

Actually, it's pretty sad that i think $42.64 is not bad for a full tank of gas. I knew I should have bought that hybrid!

Today I noticed that I've Taken Over...

2/3 of the walk-in closet.

SUCCESS!!

that is all =)

When Did You Become a Robot?

...was a question asked at the conclusion of my training today. We were told to write the exact date and situation in which we realized that our life turned monotonous and predictable.

For me, the answer was surprisingly easy. Around June of 2005, I received a job offer out of college. The excitement only lasted a few minutes because I shortly realized that the start date was before a planned backpacking trip to Europe with my best friends. I wouldn't have accumulated enough vacation time to go and when I asked if I could push back the start date, I was told that the job offer may no longer be available upon my return. This was the very moment when I realized that a job - a job that pays the bills - will weigh heavily on most decisions that I will make in the future.

Secure a job now or go on a once in a lifetime trip with my friends?

In the end, my practical side won and I decided to take the job offer.

I'm usually thankful for the gift of hindsight...but in this case, I wish I didn't have it. Because by now, I obviously realize that the experiences and memories had I gone on that backpacking trip would lasted me a lifetime...and my job...I'm sure that it could have waited.

Wake up
Go to work
Tutor
Eat
Sleep
Repeat

My goal this year? Break the robot. Somewhere in that monotonous cycle, I'll have to make time for things that I used to love doing.

Painting
Writing songs/poemsc
Running
Being spontaneous
Spending time with friends!



When did you turn into a robot?

A Reformed Shopper

Since my temporary insanity of buying a designer purse every time I fancied one and learned the hard lessons of credit card bills, I took a serious look at my spending habit and decided to tone it waaaay down. How did I do it?

Step 1 - Live faaaar away from Tysons Corner mall. There's nothing like a migraine-inducing traffic jam to deter you from going to the mall to buy more stuff.

Step 2 - If you do find yourself driving to the mall..let's say after 7pm when traffic has died down and on your drive back home you realize that there are shopping bags in your trunk and you don't know how it got there.... remember that it's ok to change your mind...and that's why there's a 30, 60, and sometimes even a 90 day return policy at most clothing stores. Repeat after me.... Return, Return, Return!

Step 3 - Make lots of girlfriends that wear the same size as you...because what may be something they don't want to be pictured in again is something that you really really wish you could be pictured in ASAP...and then post the pictures on facebook...and wait for your friends to comment how awesome you look in it. LOL

Step 4 - Make the most out of the few things that you actually buy. For instance, an elastic belt with a gold jeweled butterfly clasp that I purchased at BCBG on sale for $13 and have found every excuse to wear since

The lovely belt ...
























Worn at work on a casual Friday
Dress: $15 at Target
Cardigan: Present from a friend
Shoes: $60 Guess from DSW









Worn with a printed dress (that doesn't fit me anymore)
Which reminds me...

Step 5 - Don't gain weight so you can keep wearing your clothes!

Dress: $180 Nannete Lapore from Cusp (probably the most expensive thing in my closet)

Shoes: $180 (I think?) Christina Louboutin from some crazy Saks sale two years ago










Worn at a black tie optional wedding...
Top: $13 at Forever 21
Skirt: $19 at Forever 21
Both purchased an hour before the wedding because the dress above did not fit! =(










Will be worn on New Year's Eve...
Dress: $20 at Forever 21

Oh and Step 6 - Try not to pay more than $20 for a party dress that you're probably going to wear only once.


(on a side note, am I too old to be wearing this??)

We were the first...

...to move into the newly built Alexandria Crossing development. Having bugged the heck out of everyone and anyone in this whole home buying process, there was no way that our move-in date was going to be delayed any further. We closed at 12pm on June 25th. The movers were done unloading everything by 10pm that evening.

We knew from the start that we were moving in a mixed income neighborhood. A workforce housing condo building was built to our right which would house middle-class professionals who otherwise would have been priced out of expensive dc-metro area real estate. To our left is a subsidised apartment building which would house the lower income tier. The surrounding neighborhood comprised of the same mixed-income households. One block over to the south are established large townhomes - One block to the north are more subsidised apartment buildings - One block to the west are affordable single family homes - and a mere three blocks north is Arlington Ridge where million dollar homes inhabited by politicians (like Al Gore) are perched nicely on top of a hill. Like any other neighborhood in the area, one step in the wrong direction and you may very realize that you're no longer in Kansas.

Skeptical about moving into our neighborhood is an understatement. We were downright scared
But, as more residents slowly trickled in we quickly realized that the neighborhood wasn't going to be so bad after all. The existing mix of cultures in the neighborhood reflected the diversity of the rest of the dc area. The usually vehicle-filled streets were empty by the time I left for work as the rest of my neighbors had already started their day much earlier than I did. Kids played soccer in a small path of grass after school and parents called them in when it was time for dinner. Still, the newly built subsidised housing - only a few feet away from my front door - had yet to be inhabited.

Only three months have passed since we first moved in. And now, most of all of the residents in our little mixed community have moved in as well....and already we are starting to see indications of a downhill slope. Just recently, the neighborhood kids accidentally kicked a ball into our lot. To their shock, one of my neighbors took the ball, slashed it with a knife, and threw it back. Other residents have been seen throwing garbage over the dumpster fence - not even bothering to place the trash in its proper place. Already - an unruly teenager have been seen throwing planters at my neighbor's window.

If you didn't know me personally, you might infer from this post that 1) I'm making prejudice assumptions about low-income residents and 2) I'm going to be one of those uptight rule enforcing neighbor. And hearing my neighbors complain about some of the issues - I admit that I thought the same about them. But seeing some of these things happen myself, it's nearly impossible to point out your frustrations without sounding like yuppy prick.

In a million years, I never really thought that I would be one of those people active in the community. But having invested so much in our home, there's no way I can just sit back and see the neighborhood deteriorate. At the end of the day, it really shoudn't matter what income level you fall under. At the end of the day, we should all be thankful for the roof over our head and take care of it as if it were our own (even though the morgage company or the city really owns it) , and at the end of the day, we hope that we have neighbors looking out for one another.

That's the vision. Now how do you get everyone on board with that?

The Third Best Thing My Parents Ever Gave Me

Was my first car....a green 1996 Toyota Avalon. That was in 2003 and I needed a car for the summer to get me to and from my job at the newly opened Ikea in College Park. The car wasn't anything particularly special at the time. I just needed something to get me from point A to point B.

Driving the car yesterday to the dealership where I would eventually trade her in, nostalgia started to kick in. I didn't realize until then how many memories were made in that car. Long drives to Boston and back. Spontaneous trips to Philly for Pat's cheesesteaks. Converstions, tow trucks, parking tickets, friendships, heartbreaks, and those sing to the top of your lungs because no one else can hear you type of moments.

At the very instant that my new car was pulled up next to the Avalon, I thought "how fitting that I'm trading this car in now". It's almost as if some higher power was telling me to move on...to grow up and finally stop yearning for that time in my life when I didn't have any responsibilities. I could almost hear the Avalon say, "Yes, it's time...it's time for you to have a car payment. And yes, you also now have mortgage payments. And yes, you are also about to get married."

In the midst of this very busy summer and the past two years that have passed by so quickly, time stood still as I handed over the keys. I was taking a step over an imaginary line towards the next phase of my life. I took one last look back...smiled, cried, and laughed inside...and drove off (into the sunset of course) with the new car.

Me and my Avalon. 2003 - 2010 =)

The Best Indication That I'm Going Through Hard Times

Is through my hair.

To the best of my knowledge, the only time I ever do something drastic to my hair is when I'm going through something sad and emotional. If I chopped my hair down to a bob, that probably means I just went through a break up. See me around with highlights? I might not be that happy with how my career is going.

Partaking in the the latest and greatest Asian hair trend...the digiperm...I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Post-house purchase buyer's remorse? Sad that I don't have a legally driveable car? Or perhaps, with such a "permanent" change, it's something more.

Well, nothing is permanent. It'll grow out...

In the meantime, I actually kind of...like it =)

My Secret to Happiness

I'm all about me....and it probably seems that way at least that's the way my online persona looks. And I admit,I was very much all about my life. Focusing on all its imperfections and what it lacked. I'd focus on how others did me wrong. How unfairly I was treated at home, at work, and everywhere else in between. I was miserable, unappreciative, jealous of others, and always seeking for more and more and more.

There is nothing more disheartening than seeing someone who take their life for granted. And I'm talking about taking it for granted in the most simple sense (not like some prodigy kid who got hooked on drugs and is now homeless). Imagine that at my early twenties, I was making decent money, driving a working car, working for the government, and making a decent living. I had family and friends that genuinely cared for my well being. I could go to the mall to pick out a new clubbing outfit for the weekend. I could meet up for happy hour at any day of the week...Yet I had the nerve to allow ONE thing that I lacked (a boyfriend) to consume me.

Thankfully, we are given the gift of hindsight and memory. Had I forgotten those experiences, I wouldn't have been able to look back today and realize how ridiculous I was back then. It seems, that as time goes by, my solution to finally stop disrespecting my life was to simply snap out of it and focus on something else...focus on being good to other people...appreciate the things that aren't so bad in my life. Do I sound cliche yet?...'cause I'm gonna keep going ... =)

I couldn't really define happiness for you. I don't know what perfect means. Yes, I know I keep on putting up posts about how awesome Joe is and you might even think that we have the ideal relationship. Our relationship...my life...is still a work in progress. I still complain...but when the complaining gets really bad, I slap myself in the face (sometimes even literally). I think about all the things that I have, and I move on. Is it really that bad that I still don't own a classic Chanel flap bag in caviar leather? Is it really that bad I'm not driving an awesome car?

All I'm trying to say is...
Focus on the good, focus on being good to others, and after a while, you might actually start feeling...

Happy

and if that still doesn't work, I think you just might have to shell out some money and buy yourself a ticket to a third world country.

It's The Little Things

...that matter and I am happy to say that my fiance has perfected (well...almost =) this very concept. From the simplest gesture of writing a note on my coffee cup to the day that he proposed - he has - some way or another managed to veer away from romatic cliche. I suppose I can only describe his approach as - "So us" =)





So, as I happily stare at the beautiful ring he so carefully picked out, I bring back an oldie but goody blog post I wrote back when we were still in our "honemoon" phase =) Reading it now, I am amazed at how much we've grown together...and how some things have remained exactly the same! lol

...and just so no one reads this and decides to take away Joe's man-card, I should let it be known that he recently made a trip to Home Depot and purchased some really manly power tools.

Xanga Post Date Jated January 24, 2006


...I wanna type some stuff about me and Mr. Green. (I refer to him as that because he often wears this bright green Polo shirt and there's no point in using his name because most of you don't know him anway.) So I met him a few times but we never talked until..... My roomate had her boyfriend and his friends at our house to play poker and drink. Alcohol always has a good way of breaking the ice with people. He was shy and never talked to me but after a couple of beers we were sitting side to side on the poker table while he let me carelessly gamble HIS money away. By the end of the night I was puking in the trashcan next to my bed and he was right there rubbing my back for, what he claimed to be, at LEAST two hours....and being the gentleman that he was, he cleaned my mess and slept on the couch next to my room to make sure that I was okay.



For someone who had been single for more than year and enjoyedevery minute of it, I wasn't all that excited about meeting him. 1) I was embarassed from my little drunken episode. 2) I was going through a phase where I didn't want to try to look nice for anyone so I avoided dates and meeting guys. 3) He met three of my 'never date' criterias: Smoker, Gambler, and.....Non-Catholic. But he took care of me so I gave it a chance



The first time we hung out I picked out everything that I didn't like about him. From his haircut to the way he talked. At one point he tried to calm me down from being frustrated at Papa Johns for taking 2 hrs to deliver....I felt like he was talking to me like a child and I hated it. So when he tried to casually put his arm around me while we were watching the DVD, I sat up so that he couldn't. For a couple more weeks after that, I repeatedly told myself how much I didn't like him. But he was too nice and too sweet.....and I knew that I had no real excuse to stop seeing him.



It's crazy though how different we are from each other. The way I would interpret something is different from how he would and that usually has put us in some interesting dialogues. His lax personality balances mine...because I worry alot...I think ahead...I have to bullet everything. I like social functions while he's more low key. He spoils me with sweet little gestures like making me coffee (extra sweet and creamy just how I like it) before heading out to work. I spoil him by buying him things, which I haven't done since my first serious relationship where I learned never to do that again...but I'm a sucker for his dimples, his forehand swing, and the fact that he can actually play basketball...and so I can't help but see him get all giddy about getting something he wants.



Supposedly, I'm the complete opposite of girls he usually dates. I wear sneakers and according to him, he's never dated a girl that did....more low key like him...and most definitely not nearly as hot and beautiful (ha-ha) But who knows if that's really true. Another difference is that I know nothing about his past relationships because he doens't wanna tell me....nor does he want to know my past. He doesn't like dwelling on the past and he doesn't like thinking too ahead in the future. He's all about right now. I'm not reallly too sold on that concept. I still think the past shapes who we are today and I still beleive in having at least somewhat of a plan for the future. The good thing is that there's no pressure for either one of us to change....okay, I lied...except for the smoking thing........aaaaand the gambling thing.........and on my end, the drinking thing.



From the beginning I always busted on him. It took him a little while to get comfortable but once he did, he hasn't stopped dishing the insults. But I take it 'cause I can usually come up with a good comeback...... I mean, yea okay, I've been putting on a coule of pounds...only to get down to his level of attractiveness...so you know, people won't wonder so much why a girl like me would ever date a guy like him



Perhaps the most noticeable difference is his cleanliness to my messiness. He has some sort of OCD 'cause he can't leave his room or go to sleep without making sure his room is in order. He lines up everything on his desk, clears his couch, and folds all his clothes. A few times i've gotten frustrated 'cause I can never find any of my things in there. Once he made me clean my car because he says he can't stand being in it...but I didn't wanna clean it so he just ended up doing it anyway....and the other day I felt like being lectured by my mom after he found that I just stuck all my mess in the trunk.



So no message here. I have no summaries. There's my babble for the night because I just really wanted to write all that.....that I've found that sort of hapiness in the most unusual place; from someone completely different from me and completely different from what I thought I wanted....
...and I miss him already.

Our First Fight

...in our new house wasn't a big surprise to me. Standing in the master bedroom which has yet to even be drywalled, I looked in our closed and sighed. There just didn't seem to be enough space. So I indicated to Joe that I would need about 3/4 of the closet and that he can simply live with the rest.

At that exact moment, Joe gave me the look (dun-dun-dun)...followed by endless rants about how I need to throw away some of my clothes...yada yada yada......yada. Honestly, I blocked most of it out. Every year, I go through a closet purge and every year, I end up wanting to wear an outfit which I can't find because I'm convinced that Joe made me throw it away the previous year. I had had enough. I was standing my ground! I said, "No, I'm taking 3/4 of the closet. Take your 30 polo shirts and throw those away! Whachu think about that?". Alright so it didn't really happen that way. I, in turn, gave him MY LOOk right back.

We walk out of the room in silence...shooting angry vibes at each other. I'm not gonna lie, those silent angry shots sometimes hurt more than actual words. Alas, I knew exactly how to end the fight. I forced a tear and let him see it. I tried to force out one of those ugly cries that I do but my face just wasn't cooperating with me that day. At least with Joe, one tear was enough. Bless his heart, it still gets him every time.

Fight over.

Ok, I lied again. I can't really force my tears, they literally just come gushing out of nowhere. In the end, we really didn't come to any sort of resolution. Any relationship expert would probably think that we have serious communication issues. Shooting angry vibes at each other? what? we probably need therapy. In all honesty, an issue like this doesn't really warrant a fight. Save your energy on more important issues. How easily could that small argument turn into something bigger where we're all of sudden shouting things like "You suck! Why am I with you?" LOL. Don't deny, I'm sure it's happened to you too. It's ok to stand your ground when your values are truly being challenged. When it comes to something like closet space, give yourself 5 minutes to be sour and be done with it.

The end.

The real estate plug: In a new construction home, frequent the site and take notes of the progress. During that visit, we noticed that they had framed the 3rd bedroom incorrectly. Rather than a bedroom, they framed it as a loft. No bueno for resale. Noted and sent email to construction manager before it was too late in the construction phase to do anything about it.

The fashion plug: Does the mention of my yearly closet purge count? It really is important to go through your closet every year. You want to avoid keeping pieces that you're never going to wear... like that sheer leopard print top from Target that I got last year...what was I thinking??

This Blog Needs a Focus

Sorry blog. I've neglected you. This isn't really the old xanga days anymore where I can just rehash my day...my weekend...or every detail of I've been up to lately because we have the facebook "status" for that now. So what is your purpose really? So a few ideas off the top of my head:

1) Relationship blog - Seems that out of all my xanga entries back in college, the ones where I openly talked about my relationship issues got the most hits. Alas, I'm not in college anymore and divulging personal details of that aspect of my life might not go so well with Joe. Not to mention that after 4 plus years, I can't say that my love life is THAT exciting. But perhaps I can still offer some nuggets of knowledge without revealing too much? I don't know...i'll have to think about this one.

2) Deals and Steals blog - Who doesn't love a good deal right? It used to feel like such a triumph to find a sale on something that I had been eyeing a while. I even posted (shamelessly) my "outfit of the day" on the purseblog (don't all laugh at once) and detailed how little I spent on an outfit. I think I my record was $20 head to toe? But let's face it. My colorful closet somehow transitioned to black, white, and grey pieces as I subconsiously took Joe's "are you really going to wear that??" comments to heart. It didn't help that our closet size shrank to half of what we used to have. And to add to that, my recent weight gain hasn't made it too much fun to go shopping anyway. Darn. There goes the deals and steals idea...

3) Real Estate blog - Ok, I'm not an expert or anything. But I did always consider that if I weren't an engineer, perhaps I could be a real estate agent on the side. After all, I spend alot of my free time looking at new apartments to rent (I move to a new apartment every year) and as of late, houses and condos. Even now that we've already purchased a place, I still can't stop looking. I'm a stickler for details and over-research/study whatever I happen to be interested at the time. Even our builder's agent said I'm their most "consciencious" buyer (what she really means is that I'm her most annoying buyer). So this could work no? Maybe? Possibly?

How about let's just marry the three. I'll write about what I'm wearing whenever I go to open houses? Or detail the disagreements Joe and I had during our house search?

ayayay...

The Paradigm Shift of Toyota's Reputation

Darn...since I used such a big work on the title, do I have to make this a serious and profound blog entry? naaahhh...

I just thought I'd share an observation when I landed in Boston Logan Airport the other day -

As usual, I took the National Rental Car shuttle to their lot. Because I'm in their frequent traveler program, the shuttle drops you off in this lot where you can just pick your car and drive off without having to go in their office to do paperwork. Because I got in pretty late, I figured that all the "good" cars would be gone. And by "good" cars, I mean all the Toyota models and other types of SUVs and Crossovers. To my surprise, I found that a handful of Toyotas remained in the almost empty lot. As I walked towards one of the Toyota cars (I usually pick these because I hate how American models put the gas cap on the right side of their cars), I decided to turn the other way and go for the oh so cute(ugly) PT Cruiser.


The end.

The Travel Bug...or Quarter life Crisis?

I all of the sudden have this urge to just start going places. Maybe it's because I'm finally off from school...or because I haven't really gone anywhere adventurous (unplanned and out of the ordinary) for a long while...I'm thinking just for short weekends. Pack up with a buddy, go, and come back to my otherwise ordinary life.

Places I'd like to go...
1) Visit Kevin in Salt Lake and go hiking
2) Go with Tien to New Orleans
3) San Francisco or Seattle
4) Chicago

...and if a weekend trip to Asia wasnt a complete waste of time, that would be awesome too.

Graduation Regret

I still remember graduation from College Park like it was yesterday. A few of us met at Mckeldin mall to take pictures with our parents. I had on my favorite bone colored shoes (which I've ruined since =( ) and the same dress that I wore to my high school graduation. As we got situated in Cole Field house and watched as the graduate students walked up to the stage, I thought to myself that I would be doing the same someday. I would be that person graduating for my master's degree.

Unfortunately, at around halfway through my program, I began to feel very cynical...almost thinking that my degree really wouldn't be worth anything. I started to regret signing up for it to begin with.... and I all of the sudden forgot that dream I had of walking at graduation. So, I didn't sign up for it. I didn't buy a cap and gown. I didn't get tickets. I had absolutely no plans of attending.

I would have been walking at graduation this Saturday had I taken care of my attitude a little sooner. Instead, the conclusion of my master's degree will be nothing but the day that I submit my final report. No celebrations to be had. No hats to throw in the air. No proud moments to remember years from now where I get to sift through old albums and see a picture of Joe and I perhaps toasting to the past two years of both of us being in school and working full time.

I suppose that the moral of this story is to never downplay an accomplishment. I know not everyone is into the whole celebration thing. I was foolish enough to think that I wasn't. But 'cmon...this is me...the girl who likes to have multiple birthday dinners every year... Why did I ever think that skipping graduation would be ok?

I still have that dress I wore to my high school and undergrad graduation. I think I may just wear it this Saturday...