My Secret to Happiness

I'm all about me....and it probably seems that way at least that's the way my online persona looks. And I admit,I was very much all about my life. Focusing on all its imperfections and what it lacked. I'd focus on how others did me wrong. How unfairly I was treated at home, at work, and everywhere else in between. I was miserable, unappreciative, jealous of others, and always seeking for more and more and more.

There is nothing more disheartening than seeing someone who take their life for granted. And I'm talking about taking it for granted in the most simple sense (not like some prodigy kid who got hooked on drugs and is now homeless). Imagine that at my early twenties, I was making decent money, driving a working car, working for the government, and making a decent living. I had family and friends that genuinely cared for my well being. I could go to the mall to pick out a new clubbing outfit for the weekend. I could meet up for happy hour at any day of the week...Yet I had the nerve to allow ONE thing that I lacked (a boyfriend) to consume me.

Thankfully, we are given the gift of hindsight and memory. Had I forgotten those experiences, I wouldn't have been able to look back today and realize how ridiculous I was back then. It seems, that as time goes by, my solution to finally stop disrespecting my life was to simply snap out of it and focus on something else...focus on being good to other people...appreciate the things that aren't so bad in my life. Do I sound cliche yet?...'cause I'm gonna keep going ... =)

I couldn't really define happiness for you. I don't know what perfect means. Yes, I know I keep on putting up posts about how awesome Joe is and you might even think that we have the ideal relationship. Our relationship...my life...is still a work in progress. I still complain...but when the complaining gets really bad, I slap myself in the face (sometimes even literally). I think about all the things that I have, and I move on. Is it really that bad that I still don't own a classic Chanel flap bag in caviar leather? Is it really that bad I'm not driving an awesome car?

All I'm trying to say is...
Focus on the good, focus on being good to others, and after a while, you might actually start feeling...

Happy

and if that still doesn't work, I think you just might have to shell out some money and buy yourself a ticket to a third world country.

It's The Little Things

...that matter and I am happy to say that my fiance has perfected (well...almost =) this very concept. From the simplest gesture of writing a note on my coffee cup to the day that he proposed - he has - some way or another managed to veer away from romatic cliche. I suppose I can only describe his approach as - "So us" =)





So, as I happily stare at the beautiful ring he so carefully picked out, I bring back an oldie but goody blog post I wrote back when we were still in our "honemoon" phase =) Reading it now, I am amazed at how much we've grown together...and how some things have remained exactly the same! lol

...and just so no one reads this and decides to take away Joe's man-card, I should let it be known that he recently made a trip to Home Depot and purchased some really manly power tools.

Xanga Post Date Jated January 24, 2006


...I wanna type some stuff about me and Mr. Green. (I refer to him as that because he often wears this bright green Polo shirt and there's no point in using his name because most of you don't know him anway.) So I met him a few times but we never talked until..... My roomate had her boyfriend and his friends at our house to play poker and drink. Alcohol always has a good way of breaking the ice with people. He was shy and never talked to me but after a couple of beers we were sitting side to side on the poker table while he let me carelessly gamble HIS money away. By the end of the night I was puking in the trashcan next to my bed and he was right there rubbing my back for, what he claimed to be, at LEAST two hours....and being the gentleman that he was, he cleaned my mess and slept on the couch next to my room to make sure that I was okay.



For someone who had been single for more than year and enjoyedevery minute of it, I wasn't all that excited about meeting him. 1) I was embarassed from my little drunken episode. 2) I was going through a phase where I didn't want to try to look nice for anyone so I avoided dates and meeting guys. 3) He met three of my 'never date' criterias: Smoker, Gambler, and.....Non-Catholic. But he took care of me so I gave it a chance



The first time we hung out I picked out everything that I didn't like about him. From his haircut to the way he talked. At one point he tried to calm me down from being frustrated at Papa Johns for taking 2 hrs to deliver....I felt like he was talking to me like a child and I hated it. So when he tried to casually put his arm around me while we were watching the DVD, I sat up so that he couldn't. For a couple more weeks after that, I repeatedly told myself how much I didn't like him. But he was too nice and too sweet.....and I knew that I had no real excuse to stop seeing him.



It's crazy though how different we are from each other. The way I would interpret something is different from how he would and that usually has put us in some interesting dialogues. His lax personality balances mine...because I worry alot...I think ahead...I have to bullet everything. I like social functions while he's more low key. He spoils me with sweet little gestures like making me coffee (extra sweet and creamy just how I like it) before heading out to work. I spoil him by buying him things, which I haven't done since my first serious relationship where I learned never to do that again...but I'm a sucker for his dimples, his forehand swing, and the fact that he can actually play basketball...and so I can't help but see him get all giddy about getting something he wants.



Supposedly, I'm the complete opposite of girls he usually dates. I wear sneakers and according to him, he's never dated a girl that did....more low key like him...and most definitely not nearly as hot and beautiful (ha-ha) But who knows if that's really true. Another difference is that I know nothing about his past relationships because he doens't wanna tell me....nor does he want to know my past. He doesn't like dwelling on the past and he doesn't like thinking too ahead in the future. He's all about right now. I'm not reallly too sold on that concept. I still think the past shapes who we are today and I still beleive in having at least somewhat of a plan for the future. The good thing is that there's no pressure for either one of us to change....okay, I lied...except for the smoking thing........aaaaand the gambling thing.........and on my end, the drinking thing.



From the beginning I always busted on him. It took him a little while to get comfortable but once he did, he hasn't stopped dishing the insults. But I take it 'cause I can usually come up with a good comeback...... I mean, yea okay, I've been putting on a coule of pounds...only to get down to his level of attractiveness...so you know, people won't wonder so much why a girl like me would ever date a guy like him



Perhaps the most noticeable difference is his cleanliness to my messiness. He has some sort of OCD 'cause he can't leave his room or go to sleep without making sure his room is in order. He lines up everything on his desk, clears his couch, and folds all his clothes. A few times i've gotten frustrated 'cause I can never find any of my things in there. Once he made me clean my car because he says he can't stand being in it...but I didn't wanna clean it so he just ended up doing it anyway....and the other day I felt like being lectured by my mom after he found that I just stuck all my mess in the trunk.



So no message here. I have no summaries. There's my babble for the night because I just really wanted to write all that.....that I've found that sort of hapiness in the most unusual place; from someone completely different from me and completely different from what I thought I wanted....
...and I miss him already.