It's time...

At around 7 months pregnant
Photo Credit: Stephanie Chung Photography

I absolutely loved being pregnant.  Everyone was so nice to me and I was able to eat whatever I wanted without having to worry about my gut.  But by my 3^rd trimester and 40^th pound, I was ready to get the baby out of me.  I wanted to see his face and hold him tight.  We had already installed the carseat a full month before my due date and longed to have him sitting back there every time we drove the car (I laugh at my pregnant self now by the way=).

To speed up the process, I googled “how to induce labor” and asked my friends for any advice/tips.  On the night of October 14^th, I had Joe watch a YouTube video on how to induce labor through a foot massage, which was a perfectly good excuse to get a little TLC from the hubs =) 

A few hours later, I felt my first real contraction! It was sort of an exciting moment.  I was like…ohhh that kind of hurt… and wondered if another one would come.  By  6am on October 15, 2013, I was hunched over in our bathroom sink, unable to breathe through the contractions. But during the 3-5 minute breaks in between, you better believe I was airbrushing my foundation, applying eyeliner, mascara, and filling in my eyebrows!  

By 830am, I was in my own L&D room with awesome nurses and all you can eat cherry Popsicles.  At this point, I still hadn’t gotten an epidural.  The doctor said I could walk around to help things move along but I just sort of laid there to try to breathe through the pain.  I now realize that I really should have taken his advice because 12 hours passed and I had only progressed to 3cm despite the constant Pitocin drip. 

Somewhere along the way, I did finally get that epidural but stupidly passed on getting it until AFTER the doctor broke my water.  Having someone down there maneuvering their hands and a plastic hook to break your water is not something I ever wish to experience again.  It was surprising to me how much that part of it hurt and how much less of a big deal getting an epidural was.  I had always hated needles and dreaded the epidural processes the most during my pregnancy and it was a pleasant surprise to have that part be underwhelming. 

By 7pm and still no progress, I knew what the doctor was going to suggest…a c-section.  It was the one thing I wished to avoid but it didn’t seem like there was much else I could do.  

Our first family photo

The surgery itself was sort of a surreal experience.  I’ve never gone under the knife before.  In fact, I don’t remember ever being in the hospital for anything.  It wasn’t like grey’s anatomy where there’s ambient lighting and music playing in the background.  The room was bright, stark white, and very cold.  I was surrounded by several people wearing face masks who kept assuring me that shivering uncontrollably was perfectly normal.  To add to the surrealness of it all, I was awake and felt pulling and tugging in my belly as they tried to get Noah out.  I even felt a little relief on my left rib, which Noah constantly kicked, as they pulled him out of my belly.  None of it hurt at all…but it was odd to actually feel something.

At only 8 minutes after starting the procedure, I heard the sound that I had been waiting for the past 9 months…my son, screaming to announce that he’d arrived!  As much as I tried to hold back tears, it came pouring out at the realization that I have an actual living baby!  He was beautiful, pale, cone head, and a splitting image of his dad.  He was not a happy camper.  After all, who wants to leave a nice warm womb into a cold operating room?

First time holding Noah

After forty more minutes of being sewn back together, I was wheeled to the recovery room and was finally able to hold Noah in my arms.  I studied every detail of his face…his flattened nose that looks exactly like mine, my mom’s, and my grandma’s, his crazy brown hair, his rosy lips, and his cute curled earlobes.  I thought to myself,  “How could this beautiful little babe possibly be mine?”

                                                 

The only position he could fall
asleep at the hospital

I didn’t know what to do with him at first and asked the nurse for permission if I could start to breastfeed.  They looked at me puzzled like…yes, that’s your own baby and yes, please go ahead and try to feed him.  I asked them for permission if I could do skin to skin and again they looked at me kind of funny.  This continued on for the remainder of our stay at the hospital and it wasn’t until we finally went home when it clicked that I’m a parent now and there’s no one to look to for permission on how to raise my baby. 

When they asked if we wanted to stay another day in the hospital, Joe and I quickly agreed that yes, please, we’d like to stay! We’d like to not have to think about food and just have you deliver to us during meal times.  We’d like to have you take Noah into the nursery a couple of hours a day so we can get some extra sleep.  We’d like to have you help me into the bathroom so I can clean up and do my thing.  Nurses of the world, I have SO MUCH MORE RESPECT for you after this whole ordeal!

To this day, I can never put into words what it’s like to be pregnant for nine months then be a parent in an instant.  Nothing prepares you for parenthood despite all the resources out there.  Nothing prepares you for the roller coaster ride of a contraction building up and letting down and looking at your watch and thinking…”shit, my 3 minutes is up..here’s comes another!”.  Nothing prepares you for that moment when you finally meet your baby…and despite the fact that you were present during the delivery, you wonder, “Is that child really mine?”

...and surprisingly...nothing prepares you for this very moment when you’re typing up your labor story 4 months later…and all of the sudden you think, “Wow, I really WOULD do that all over again.”